Serial No.6 Listening to the person - What is a heart-to-heart conversation?
Creating the Next Society - Part 6
Toward a society where people can live gently and without conflict
Masashi Ono, ScienZ Institute, Inc.
Chapter 2
3. Listening to the person - What is a heart-to-heart conversation?
Conversation is indispensable for comfortable social life. When that conversation does not function well, it can lead to unpleasant feelings and various problems such as confrontations and conflicts.
I suggest that when conversations become essential, we are able to demonstrate our intelligence in a state of peace of mind, and as a result, we are able to move in the direction of true solutions to various problems, not just temporary ones.
What element is the most important element for becoming a true conversation?
It is the listening, we believe. It is not simply listening to words, nor superficial feelings nor thoughts. To listen to the person, in other words, to understand the person himself/herself, will lead to an abundant conversation in which people can truly communicate with each other and respect each other.
This phrase, "listening to the person," came about as we explored true conversation in our attempt to create the As One Community.
(Now available for anyone to learn it in the ScienZ School.)
What does it mean to "listen to the person?"
Not listening to others, nor to words, but listening to the person.
Even in everyday conversations and discussions, there may be such times as people are not able to communicate with each other despite their best efforts. Or when they have a difference of opinion, or when the topic of conversation is lively but something is missing, or even when they feel frustrated at times. You may also have conflicts because of differences of opinion, be hurt by the other person's words, or get angry and start arguing....
In addition, even when we sympathize or feel as if we are in agreement, saying "yes, yes," or " we are the same," it is often only a verbal and superficial reaction.
What we can put into words is too small to express our thoughts and feelings in our own way. However, we tend to misunderstand that words can express for a person's feelings and thoughts. And so we often react as if we can understand "the person" through their words, which often misleads to emotional reactions and miscommunication.
At lectures, I often ask participants, "Why can't we talk things out?" the answer is often, "Because we have different opinions, it becomes a confrontation.
Let's think about this from the ground, a zero point of view. One way to look at it is, "Different opinions are good because there are diverse viewpoints," or "Different opinions are the reason for development. Even if we have different opinions, there are people who are having friendly discussions saying, "Well, I wonder which one is better?"
I don't think that different opinions mean that there is a conflict. I think that conflict arises because there is a "fixed idea" that says one's opinion is "absolutely right" or "must be". I think the root cause of conflict is the stubbornness to believe that one's own opinion is "right" or "must be". According to the ScienZ Method, the cause of this stubbornness can also be examined and easily removed. When stubbornness is eliminated, no matter how much we disagree, we can talk things in an enjoyable and even funny way.
Every person has his or her own unique world.
Even if they seem to feel the same or different from your opinion, they have their own world that is different from yours and that you cannot know. Each person's world has been formed by the experiences, knowledge, experiences, relationships, and feelings that the person has cultivated.
It is an existence that cannot be denied or affirmed by anyone, but only exists as it is. Knowing that such a world exists and trying to understand it is what "listening to the person" is all about.
I think that conversation is a way to let the other person know your world and to think together with you.
It is precisely because we have different opinions that we want to know more about the other person's world, and by understanding different ways of seeing the world, we can create a conversation that will enrich and deepen our knowledge of the world.
I think that today's society has a strong emphasis on "saying" somethings. Observing everyday conversations, it seems that many people are trying to "say" or "say" something. It may be that there is little experience of being listened to in a comfortable manner. I also think that there is still a lack of understanding about the meaning of "listening" and its potential power.
Listening is not a technique or skill.
I think that when people are listened to, they feel at ease and fulfilled.
I also think that by being listened to, people can become aware of their own true hearts.
The pleasure of being listened to and the joy of listening. A conversation that fills you with delight will begin.
The activity of listening to the person itself begins, as both parties want to know the person and want me to know the person itself. Through mutual acquaintance and understanding, a new "something" is born. By being able to listen to each other about anything, we can build a comfortable relationship with each other, free of any divides or conflicts.
You can say anything and not say anything. No matter what you say, you don't have to deny, reject, get angry, try harder, or say nice things. You don't have to conform to others. You don't have to worry for others. You can be yourself as you are.
I think that is a comfortable relationship. And this is the base of a community where there is no conflict, where everyone is intimate and lives from the heart.
If you are interested in this topic, please read my book, "Listening to the Person: What is a Heart-to-Heart Conversation" (SCIENZ No.2).
Click here to read "Listening to the Person: What is a Heart-to-Heart Conversation" (SCIENZ No. 2).
It is also positioned as a course for listening to the person in the SCIENZ School courses.
Click here for more information on the SCIENZ School.
4. a heart-to-heart conversation solves all problems! ~A sustainable society starts with sustainable relationships.
Some may think, "It may be ideal for us to have this kind of conversation, but realistically it is impossible. However, even if we give up on that and try to deal with the real problems, we often fail to reach a solution because we cannot really have a conversation.
In their haste to solve problems, they end up complicating relationships and making it impossible to have conversations, and many people may have given up on the idea that "people are at odds when they disagree," or that "if there is a stake, there is no choice but to fight," and some others.
As mentioned above, I think it is important to review it from a zero point of view, and to explore and remove the causes of inability to talk and conflict. After becoming able to communicate (becoming someone who can communicate), then we can have conversations. Then, the conversation will develop smoothly. I think this perspective is missing in today's society, or it is not thoroughly understood. When the ScienZ Method frees us from conflict and bad feelings and allows us to have a intimate relationship with anyone, we can have heart-to-heart conversations with anyone, on any topic. A sustainable society starts with sustainable relationships. In other words, relationships that allow for heart-to-heart conversations are the basis of a sustainable society.
In many cases, such as environmental issues, solutions cannot be found because of the inability to overcome conflicts of interest. If each side remains firmly committed to its own position, no heart-to-heart conversations will be possible. If we can free ourselves from the restraints that bind us to each other and understand each other's position, it will not be so difficult to find a path that is truly good for the people around us and for future generations, including ourselves. If we can understand each other, we will be able to utilize and make use of all technologies and methods for real solutions.
Moreover, by talking with each other, free from fixed fictions created by human beings, both things and people will be able to make use of each other freely. In a world free from possessions, exchanges, and rewards, waste and things to be thrown away will disappear rapidly. Just by not selling and buying, there will be no more wasteful weighing and packaging. And there is no need to exchange money, record it, or account for it. Energy and time are also no longer wasted because there is no need to shop and cook individually. At the As One Suzuka community, the amount of resources used, as calculated by Ecological Footprint, is well below the Japanese average, even though we live in a city.
I assume that the problems of suicide and social withdrawal are also the result of the intertwining of various issues in today's society. It is not only the responsibility of those who commit suicide or are withdrawn. It is probably related to the fact that the state of mind that leads to such behavior is formed by the surrounding environment and the lack of an environment that accepts and truly understands the person.
When people are freed from the fictions created by human thinking, i.e., the "shoulds" and "musts" of what should be done, what is normal, what should not be done, etc., and when human relationships are established that allow heart-to-heart conversations, various changes will occur on both the individual and social levels.
The number of people who have their own problems will decrease as there are people who listen to the person and try to understand the person.
It is also reassuring to know that there are close people and communities with whom one can talk about such matters, rather than having to think about them alone.
We will also be able to find a way to review from a zero the various irrational social systems that cause suffering and distress, starting from where we can.
For example, there are currently some children who fail the high school entrance exam and are unable to enter high school, and they are suffering from this. A social environment where such children can be cheerful and energetic (children who want to study can study, children who want to work can work regardless of their academic background, children who want to study can participate in social activities they are interested in, companies are available for those who want to work, etc.) will be formed. As the network of such people expands, the possibilities will become wider and wider. As such relationships, culture, and social environment are created, a society will emerge in which suicides and social withdrawal will not be possible.
What kind of society will be created when heart-to-heart conversations function and are utilized in social management?
In the next chapter, I would like to introduce the current state of the As One Network Suzuka Community as a model for one such community. I would like to write about what kind of society is emerging specifically in the As One Suzuka Community, and how current social problems are being solved, although this is only a small part of the story.
Toward a society where people can live gently and without conflict
Masashi Ono, ScienZ Institute, Inc.
Chapter 2
3. Listening to the person - What is a heart-to-heart conversation?
Conversation is indispensable for comfortable social life. When that conversation does not function well, it can lead to unpleasant feelings and various problems such as confrontations and conflicts.
I suggest that when conversations become essential, we are able to demonstrate our intelligence in a state of peace of mind, and as a result, we are able to move in the direction of true solutions to various problems, not just temporary ones.
What element is the most important element for becoming a true conversation?
It is the listening, we believe. It is not simply listening to words, nor superficial feelings nor thoughts. To listen to the person, in other words, to understand the person himself/herself, will lead to an abundant conversation in which people can truly communicate with each other and respect each other.
This phrase, "listening to the person," came about as we explored true conversation in our attempt to create the As One Community.
(Now available for anyone to learn it in the ScienZ School.)
What does it mean to "listen to the person?"
Not listening to others, nor to words, but listening to the person.
Even in everyday conversations and discussions, there may be such times as people are not able to communicate with each other despite their best efforts. Or when they have a difference of opinion, or when the topic of conversation is lively but something is missing, or even when they feel frustrated at times. You may also have conflicts because of differences of opinion, be hurt by the other person's words, or get angry and start arguing....
In addition, even when we sympathize or feel as if we are in agreement, saying "yes, yes," or " we are the same," it is often only a verbal and superficial reaction.
What we can put into words is too small to express our thoughts and feelings in our own way. However, we tend to misunderstand that words can express for a person's feelings and thoughts. And so we often react as if we can understand "the person" through their words, which often misleads to emotional reactions and miscommunication.
At lectures, I often ask participants, "Why can't we talk things out?" the answer is often, "Because we have different opinions, it becomes a confrontation.
Let's think about this from the ground, a zero point of view. One way to look at it is, "Different opinions are good because there are diverse viewpoints," or "Different opinions are the reason for development. Even if we have different opinions, there are people who are having friendly discussions saying, "Well, I wonder which one is better?"
I don't think that different opinions mean that there is a conflict. I think that conflict arises because there is a "fixed idea" that says one's opinion is "absolutely right" or "must be". I think the root cause of conflict is the stubbornness to believe that one's own opinion is "right" or "must be". According to the ScienZ Method, the cause of this stubbornness can also be examined and easily removed. When stubbornness is eliminated, no matter how much we disagree, we can talk things in an enjoyable and even funny way.
Every person has his or her own unique world.
Even if they seem to feel the same or different from your opinion, they have their own world that is different from yours and that you cannot know. Each person's world has been formed by the experiences, knowledge, experiences, relationships, and feelings that the person has cultivated.
It is an existence that cannot be denied or affirmed by anyone, but only exists as it is. Knowing that such a world exists and trying to understand it is what "listening to the person" is all about.
I think that conversation is a way to let the other person know your world and to think together with you.
It is precisely because we have different opinions that we want to know more about the other person's world, and by understanding different ways of seeing the world, we can create a conversation that will enrich and deepen our knowledge of the world.
I think that today's society has a strong emphasis on "saying" somethings. Observing everyday conversations, it seems that many people are trying to "say" or "say" something. It may be that there is little experience of being listened to in a comfortable manner. I also think that there is still a lack of understanding about the meaning of "listening" and its potential power.
Listening is not a technique or skill.
I think that when people are listened to, they feel at ease and fulfilled.
I also think that by being listened to, people can become aware of their own true hearts.
The pleasure of being listened to and the joy of listening. A conversation that fills you with delight will begin.
The activity of listening to the person itself begins, as both parties want to know the person and want me to know the person itself. Through mutual acquaintance and understanding, a new "something" is born. By being able to listen to each other about anything, we can build a comfortable relationship with each other, free of any divides or conflicts.
You can say anything and not say anything. No matter what you say, you don't have to deny, reject, get angry, try harder, or say nice things. You don't have to conform to others. You don't have to worry for others. You can be yourself as you are.
I think that is a comfortable relationship. And this is the base of a community where there is no conflict, where everyone is intimate and lives from the heart.
If you are interested in this topic, please read my book, "Listening to the Person: What is a Heart-to-Heart Conversation" (SCIENZ No.2).
Click here to read "Listening to the Person: What is a Heart-to-Heart Conversation" (SCIENZ No. 2).
It is also positioned as a course for listening to the person in the SCIENZ School courses.
Click here for more information on the SCIENZ School.
4. a heart-to-heart conversation solves all problems! ~A sustainable society starts with sustainable relationships.
Some may think, "It may be ideal for us to have this kind of conversation, but realistically it is impossible. However, even if we give up on that and try to deal with the real problems, we often fail to reach a solution because we cannot really have a conversation.
In their haste to solve problems, they end up complicating relationships and making it impossible to have conversations, and many people may have given up on the idea that "people are at odds when they disagree," or that "if there is a stake, there is no choice but to fight," and some others.
As mentioned above, I think it is important to review it from a zero point of view, and to explore and remove the causes of inability to talk and conflict. After becoming able to communicate (becoming someone who can communicate), then we can have conversations. Then, the conversation will develop smoothly. I think this perspective is missing in today's society, or it is not thoroughly understood. When the ScienZ Method frees us from conflict and bad feelings and allows us to have a intimate relationship with anyone, we can have heart-to-heart conversations with anyone, on any topic. A sustainable society starts with sustainable relationships. In other words, relationships that allow for heart-to-heart conversations are the basis of a sustainable society.
In many cases, such as environmental issues, solutions cannot be found because of the inability to overcome conflicts of interest. If each side remains firmly committed to its own position, no heart-to-heart conversations will be possible. If we can free ourselves from the restraints that bind us to each other and understand each other's position, it will not be so difficult to find a path that is truly good for the people around us and for future generations, including ourselves. If we can understand each other, we will be able to utilize and make use of all technologies and methods for real solutions.
Moreover, by talking with each other, free from fixed fictions created by human beings, both things and people will be able to make use of each other freely. In a world free from possessions, exchanges, and rewards, waste and things to be thrown away will disappear rapidly. Just by not selling and buying, there will be no more wasteful weighing and packaging. And there is no need to exchange money, record it, or account for it. Energy and time are also no longer wasted because there is no need to shop and cook individually. At the As One Suzuka community, the amount of resources used, as calculated by Ecological Footprint, is well below the Japanese average, even though we live in a city.
I assume that the problems of suicide and social withdrawal are also the result of the intertwining of various issues in today's society. It is not only the responsibility of those who commit suicide or are withdrawn. It is probably related to the fact that the state of mind that leads to such behavior is formed by the surrounding environment and the lack of an environment that accepts and truly understands the person.
When people are freed from the fictions created by human thinking, i.e., the "shoulds" and "musts" of what should be done, what is normal, what should not be done, etc., and when human relationships are established that allow heart-to-heart conversations, various changes will occur on both the individual and social levels.
The number of people who have their own problems will decrease as there are people who listen to the person and try to understand the person.
It is also reassuring to know that there are close people and communities with whom one can talk about such matters, rather than having to think about them alone.
We will also be able to find a way to review from a zero the various irrational social systems that cause suffering and distress, starting from where we can.
For example, there are currently some children who fail the high school entrance exam and are unable to enter high school, and they are suffering from this. A social environment where such children can be cheerful and energetic (children who want to study can study, children who want to work can work regardless of their academic background, children who want to study can participate in social activities they are interested in, companies are available for those who want to work, etc.) will be formed. As the network of such people expands, the possibilities will become wider and wider. As such relationships, culture, and social environment are created, a society will emerge in which suicides and social withdrawal will not be possible.
What kind of society will be created when heart-to-heart conversations function and are utilized in social management?
In the next chapter, I would like to introduce the current state of the As One Network Suzuka Community as a model for one such community. I would like to write about what kind of society is emerging specifically in the As One Suzuka Community, and how current social problems are being solved, although this is only a small part of the story.
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